What do you really look like?
White; 5'11"; dark brown hair, very curly; moderately fat; spectacles.
Is that supposed to be a joke?
Am I so unfunny that matter-of-fact self portrayals are indistinguishable from attempted humor? Ouch! Nope, I was being sincere.
Why don't you watch [miscellaneous pop culture thing] and love every minute of it?
To piss you off, natch. Also because I like so damn many television shows and films and musicians and artists and writers, some things just have to slip through the cracks. Still, if something comes recommended by someone whose taste I frequently share, I'll usually give it a shot.
What makes you uncontrollably happy?
Oh, lots of things. A breeze on a quiet evening, for one.
What makes you intensely sad?
Remembering people I used to love usually does the trick. So does thinking about war.
Why am I so bored? Wait... you don't know that one.
Yes I do. You're bored because you're boring. That's how that works, darling.
If you could only choose between hedonism and asceticism, which lifestyle would you adopt, and why?
I find no nobility in self-denial. I think the meaning of life is happiness, which makes hedonism the path of righteousness.
If you were a hot dog, starving in the desert, would you eat yourself?
Without hesitation.
Have you ever been so French you were almost German?
Only, like, every day of my life. Other than that, no.
Have you ever considered suicide?
Is this a question or a recommendation? Yes, I have considered it, but I'm far too cowardly to commit it.
Have you ever considered suede?
Yes. Specifically, I consider suede to be one of the pinnacles of human achievement.
How about Swedes?
I have not considered Swedes at length, no.
Have you ever done this:
And if not, would you want to?
What a fascinating question. No, I have not. I'd do it if I had a gun to shoot balloons so I could come down when I please, if I had some way to steer myself, and if there was a crew on the ground following me about so I wouldn't have to walk anywhere when I landed.
Puncture of the carotid artery results in what, and where?
A mess, and in my living room.
Does [your charming personality] ever get you free meals?
It has, actually, yes!
[Has your charming personality ever] caused someone to spontaneously combust from simply being in close proximity to your charm?
Not to my knowledge, but I can't go around checking the cause every time someone around me bursts suddenly into flame.
What are you really doing in Vegas?
Chasing after happiness, in general. I'm not there yet, but sometimes I'm dreadfully close.
What is the most challenging thing you've ever done?
A correspondence course on the Arthurian Legend. Probably the only class I've ever had at which I actually tried. I'm pretty sure I ended up getting an A.
The most satisfying?
This is a difficult question. I don't think it's in my nature to be satisfied. Happy sometimes, and often content, but never satisfied.
Does your face pigeon like Fruit Loops?
Yes, but he prefers Marshmallow Mateys.
3 comments:
You are my hero of the day.
May all face pigeons everywhere have the freedom of choice with breakfast cereal.
Do you think the Arthurian Class was something the challenged you because of content, or the fact it was correspondence?
Content, no doubt. I actually really liked the correspondence format.
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